Hey guys. I know i haven’t been writing for a while. I’ve been keeping myself busy, making another effort for my self-recovery attempt.
Yes, i’m in recovery.
After lots of recovery attempt and relapse, i’m still trying for another self-recovery attempt. So yeah, i’ve started eating and this time, my recovery attempt has started to work. I really hope i could share this moment with someone. To tell the person that every time i eat, i don’t actually feel the guilt anymore. I don’t count calories anymore. Hmm, what else? Oh, although i still feel the urge to purge, i’m able to hold the feeling and not purge. Just so you know, since the time i purged blood, i’ve only purged once.
But i still step on the scale every day. I still feel the longing to go to the gym daily. I still feel that i’m worthless and hopeless. But my improvement that i’m proud the most is, i don’t feel so fat anymore. Isn’t that great?
Urgh, my mother has been a negative influence of my recovery. She still make fun of my big bum, call me fat, tell me that i am not a good girl. Anyone got this kind of mother?